Pointing toward pilgrimage

An Israeli soldier points his gun at a Palestinian child in Hebron (photo from abijay.wordpress.com)

This picture has hung on my fridge for the last semester as a reminder that in the midst of all the study, prayer and work for peace, peace must begin with individuals. This soldier makes a decision every day to fire his gun or not. We all wake with the decision to engage in violence or embrace the love and peace that Christ offers. Keeping in mind the words of Desmond Tutu "If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor", we will realize that our own complacency is in fact a finger on the trigger, perpetuating the cycle of violence. It is with these things in mind that I have finished my first year in seminary.

There are so many aspects of brokenness within this manifestation of the body of Christ, The Episcopal Church. The words that are loosely attributed to St. Augustine "The church is a whore, but she is my mother" captures the sentiments that colored my year; as I am falling deeply in love with the church I begin to despise our shortcomings, inconsistencies and contradictions. But a stance of discontent and judgment is antithetical to the very gift of Christ which is the very love needed to overcome the gaps between what we perceive we should be, and what we actually are. So it has been my challenge to not despise the whore, but love the mother that is the church and live into the peace of Christ.

Augustine's identification of church as mother has rung true more recently for me, as I have been made a postulant for holy orders. Postulancy has left me asking myself why, as someone who values their freedom and has been trained in Peter Bigfoot's "school of self reliance", would choose to be under orders from church hierarchy? Well there are many reasons, above all is the fact that the church is my mother and I ultimately trust that God moves and works through her even when I don't agree with her. Self reliance is an illusion; to live into the peace which Christ offers we need one another and the gathering of the church.

It will be with these things in mind that I travel through Israel/Palestine with friends of Sabeel; the gift of Christ is not judgment, hatred or distance, but love and the church is one place that attempts to allow this love to flow, yet find ourselves 'whores' to much of the world.

Paul Elie writes in the introduction to ‘The life you save may be your own’ writes on pilgrimage; “What is pilgrimage? A pilgrimage is a journey undertaken in the light of a story. A great event has happened; the pilgrim hears the reports and goes in search of the evidence, aspiring to be an eyewitness. The pilgrim seeks not only to confirm the experience of others firsthand but to be changed by the experience. Pilgrims often make the journey in company, but each must be changed individually; they must see for themselves, each with his or her own eyes. And as they return to ordinary life the pilgrims must tell others what they saw, recasting the story in their own terms.”

What it is I seek is a witness of authentic love in action, even in the face of hardship to the extent that the Palestinian people have experienced under Israeli occupation. I want to be a witness to the power of non-violence. I want to look into the eyes of those who suffer, both Israeli and Palestinians and witness the fear that moves us to violence and the love that keeps one grounded in peace. I want to witness the faith Jesus describe in Luke, “Do not judge, and you will not be judged; do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven; give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap; for the measure you give will be the measure you get back.” Could the non-violent response of the Palestinians working for peace be a share of this this good measure running over? We are all pilgrims striving towards freedom from the lie of loneliness that keeps us isolated. All the moving, learning, seeking is a search for relationship with that something that will lead us into fulfillment. Sometimes grasping at violence, sometimes love- but in the end seeking the same things.