After my Aunt died there was space created within me, a lonely space that echoed with pain… a space that no words fit into. All the anguish that my Aunt had gone through, all the love that she shared and the good times we had, expanded the deafening silence of my grief. How could God let this happen? She was so young. Where was God when she needed help and healing? Where is God in all my grief?
It is hard, as a Christian who believes in a loving God, to make sense of suffering and grief in this world. It becomes harder to reckon why we must suffer when it hits close to home, like my Aunt’s death. The bible is full of accounts of trials and sorrows during which God remained close and present.
Within Christian tradition there are various ways one can reconcile, logically, the reality of suffering with the knowledge of a loving God. Augustine saw suffering as an opportunity for living into a more faithful way of life. But this alone does not sit well with me… Would God see us through suffering as a means to bring us into a more faithful life? Well, maybe in part, but this brings no comfort in the midst of suffering…
The phrase ‘the problem of suffering’ is misleading because there is no solution. If we are looking for clear answers of “How?” and “Why?” we will limit ourselves. We will look for an end that is not ours to conclude.
For example, you experience a loss and say to yourself “Why did this happen to me? I am a good person. I go to church, I pray to God. This should not have happened to such a good person”. This questioning confuses the Christian story. Jesus came to switch things up, make the dead alive, the high low, the sick well etc. etc. ..
What we must remember is that WE, our lives and their twists and turns, are NOT the end of the story. There is still good news. The Christian story keeps unfolding. Our suffering is just one way we are participating in the unfolding of God’s marvelous works. Sometimes we need to hold that hope for other people. Sometimes we need someone to hold for us the vision of God's promise for good, and God's kingdom among us.
So, what has this loving God given in the midst of suffering?
God does not promise freedom from harm, from famine, from war… but promises to save us amidst the trials of this world. Why wait so long Lord? Why wait to save us till the famine has struck, the loved one has passed, the war is being waged?
God has not left us alone awaiting rescue; we are in the midst of the living body of Christ; the community of faith that knows well the reality of suffering. We all have carried some pain and know the silences of suffering.
So, where is the kingdom that Jesus told us is among us?
On the night my Aunt died, I was around a table with several homeless mothers who had lost the custody of their children while living on the streets. I got the call about my Aunt Michelle when I was half way through making a necklace. I still wear that necklace and remember that it was only because I was meeting my brothers and sisters in their need, that I was given the gift of community to help absorb the pain of my own loss. The very people I set out to help, ended up being the ones who helped me carry my grief and loss.
The kingdom Jesus speaks about becomes clear to me in those places we meet one another. The night my aunt died, I found comfort in others who were at that table. They held hope when despair had fallen around me- yet they were themselves people living their own lives of struggle. It is in these places that God’s grace saves us, anointing the anguish with just enough love to help us make it through. Just enough love to be there for our neighbor. This is God’s gift. In meeting one another in our places of need, we are God’s active and marvelous gift of presence in the midst of suffering. Amen.
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